Most are familiar with that oh-so-famous orgasm scene in ‘When Harry Met Sally’. Are you wondering if that is really what a female orgasm sounds like? Are you questioning if you yourself have had one, if your response isn’t quite like Sally’s? Well, there is good and bad news. Orgasms are within reach for women, but that doesn’t mean all females will respond in the same way. Some women claim to have never had one, some to have had many. The one common thread seems to be that if you have had one, you know it; if you haven’t, you need to get there by any means necessary. I asked a number of women exactly how true that infamous movie scene is. I’ve always wondered if a woman has ever faked with me, and it got me wondering: why do women even feel the need to fake? From the responses to my questions, it seems that some women, the ones who have never had orgasms, feel embarrassed by this. They even feel like if they don’t act like they are having one, they will lose their partner. So let’s explore what exactly the pleasure and arousal of sex does to produce that elusive female orgasm.
Female Sexuality
Female sexuality is known as being more complex than men’s. We’ve all heard the jokes about how much easier it is for women to get sex if they want it. Women just have to show up, right? Men always want it, so really, we’re just happy if a woman is willing. I’m here to say not all men feel that way. Some of us actually want to please the women we’re with. We’re not just in it to satisfy ourselves, but to help our partner reach that climax. Some men actually get as much pleasure from arousing our women as we do from climaxing ourselves. What I have come to learn from the women I spoke with was that the female orgasm, for some women, is connected with emotion. Sex, quite simply, is better when there is emotion involved. On the other hand, there were women who were very in touch with their orgasm and could achieve them with a one-night stand. So there seemed to be two main types of female sexuality; the first was women whose orgasm was connected to emotion or love, and the second was women who saw and enjoyed sex as a purely physical act, not needing love/emotion or a connection to reach their sexual climax. For those women who had never had an orgasm, they had one question: what does a female orgasm feel like?
The Female Orgasm
The female orgasm, I must say, sounds amazing. One woman described it as waves of heat rolling up through her body, each one getting hotter and hotter, more and more intense, until there is an explosion of tingling sensations throughout the body, especially the pelvic area. Another woman described it as intensely emotional, as if it was a huge release, one she felt exhausted after. I also heard it described as feeling like being tickled and tickled, until the intensity is too much, and there is a gush of release. One described it as an increasingly prickly sensation that ends with a feeling of volcanic eruption.
Another point of interest I learned was that most women have different types of orgasms through different types of stimulation. One woman described how different an orgasm achieved by a man giving her oral sex was from one reached by sexual intercourse. She actually found sexual intercourse orgasms to be somewhat average, while ones achieved by oral stimulation were quite overwhelming and intense. Sexual intercourse orgasms happened quickly and predictably, a certain position or movement seemed to guarantee them. With oral sex, women said their orgasms were more unpredictable and varied in intensity and sensation, and that they felt more out of control with them. It seemed somewhat difficult for the women to vocalise precisely what their orgasm felt like, but one commonality was the feeling of heat and spasms, of growing sensitivity.
What Actually Happens in the Body During Female Orgasm
The build up to the orgasm seems to be the best part for women. In the body, as this is happening, the heart rate increases, blood flow increases, and most of that increased blood flow reaches the sexual genitals. The clitoris contains over 8,000 nerve endings, and as blood flow increases to the area, it swells. As orgasm approaches, the clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood. The inner labia swell while the outer lips spread wider as the tissue soaks up the increased blood. The vagina will lubricate itself as it is more stimulated to make sex more pleasurable. As the climax is reached, little spasms (myotonia) are felt throughout the body, but mainly in the pelvic area. The uterus walls, anus, vagina, and pelvic floor will spasm until the climax surpasses. Some women reported that immediately after reaching orgasm, they are highly sensitive to touch in the pelvic area, akin to being intensely ticklish.
So when it comes to the female orgasm, you really, really want them, and if you are a man, you really, really want to help women have them. Women said they are 10 times more likely to stay with a partner if they can satisfy them sexually, and to them, that meant the ability to help them reach climax.